Men's Room Etiquette
A Note on Safety
Becoming Proficient with Stand-to-Pee Devices
Standing to Pee: STP Devices (non-packers)
Standing to Pee: STP Packers
For many trans men, using the men's room for the first time is a big step in the transition process. This section provides information on using the men's room safely, as well as on methods and products that can be used to urinate while standing. This includes devices that serve as both a packer and as a stand-to-pee (STP) device.
It should also be noted that certain genital surgeries can include a procedure called a "urethral hookup" or "urethral lengthening," which allows the recipient to urinate through his surgically constructed penis. Details of such surgical procedures are not covered in this section, but are covered in the section on genital reconstruction surgery.
Men's Room Etiquette
While women's restrooms often involve social interaction and keen observation among the women who use them, men's restrooms are usually more "down to business." That is, most guys in the men's room don't look at one another for more than a second (if at all), there usually isn't much chatting going on, and the vast majority of men aren't scrutinizing carefully who is using the bathroom at any particular time. This is a bonus for those in early stages of transition, as most men won't be looking for small details to see if you "belong" there or not. If you are being read fairly consistently as a man (or as a boy if you appear younger), and walk into a men's room with confidence and purpose, you probably will not raise any eyebrows.
Most men's rooms will have a combination of urinals and stalls, or at the very least one stall (we've all got to sit down at least once in a while to take a crap). Most stalls will have doors on them, so you can do your business in private if you need to. Not all men stand to pee, and even if they do, some men prefer to use a closed stall while standing to pee, rather than using a urinal. So if you haven't mastered a stand-to-pee device for use at a urinal, or simply don't want to use one, you can feel fine using a stall and sitting down. If you feel self-conscious about sitting to pee, you can spend a little extra time in the stall as if you were taking a crap.
Another thing you might notice when using the men's room is that there is a lot less inhibition than in women's rooms about grunting, farting, or otherwise making noise while sitting on the toilet in the stalls. So, feel free to use the stalls and not worry much about it. If you do come across a stall without a door (this is rare but it happens), you may be able to drop your pants and sit down quickly to avoid exposure, but do so only if you feel the environment is safe.
If you choose to use a stand-to-pee (STP) device or have had a surgery that allows you otherwise pee standing up, you may wish to use a urinal. If that is the case, basic urinal etiquette should be followed. That is, if there are a row of urinals available, take one that is not directly next to another guy who is already peeing. If you are in a ridiculously crowded restroom (like at a large event), and you absolutely must stand directly next to someone else, be sure to keep your eyes forward and don't touch or bump the guy's elbow that is next to you. Step up, get your business done, flush, and walk away. Don't take a peek at another guy's penis, and don't make eye contact while at the urinal. If you do make any eye contact in a men's room, it should be brief and only as a point of acknowledgement.
The men's room etiquette pointers listed above are meant as basic guidelines outlining the interactions typical to most men's restrooms. Obviously some situations might be different from place to place. I have tried to err on the side of modesty with these pointers with the idea that bathrooms are a shared space where we are all literally left with our pants down-- better to play it more conservatively unless you already know the particular restroom environment is more relaxed.
A Note on Safety
It should be noted that if you are not yet being read as male on a regular basis, and/or if you are not feeling confident or safe about using the men's room in any situation, it may be best to find another bathroom arrangement. Most men's restrooms are not dangerous places, but in some circumstances it may be wise to avoid potential trouble. If you are experiencing such issues around restroom use, you may want to seek out a single-stall bathroom when possible, or wait for either the men's or the women's room to empty out (whichever is safer and more appropriate for the situation), use the facilities quickly, and move on. In many situations, using the men's room will be perfectly safe-- it just pays to use caution when necessary.
Becoming Proficient with Stand-to-Pee Devices
Using a stand-to-pee device usually takes some practice. Practice at home and have it down cold before trying it in a public men's room. For your first few times trying out an STP device, you may wish to practice while standing undressed in the bathtub, so if you have leaks you won't mess up your clothes or the floor. Once you have mastered the device in the tub, you can move on to trying it while undressed in front of the toilet at home to get used to aiming the device. Then try it in clothes in front of the toilet. Once you have mastered the use of the device, think about how you will carry it (if it is not an STP-packer), how you will discreetly put it in place, where you will put it when done, how you will keep it clean, etc. In other words, before you start to use the device in a public restroom, have a plan for how it will work. Do a few practice runs at home. The last thing you want to do is show up at the restroom, fumble with your STP device, and drop it in the toilet or in the urinal in front of you!
Keep in mind that there is no shame in using the stalls if you don't want to use an STP device-- though such devices can come in handy in situations when you would prefer to stand and pee, such as dirty restrooms, travel situations, or camping outdoors. Plenty of guys use the stalls, so don't feel you have to stand if you don't want to.
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STP Devices (non-packers)
Coffee Can Lid/Flexible Plastic Disc
This is a rather simple device that can be easily made at home. Take the flexible plastic lid from a can of coffee grinds, or from a similar package (like a cottage cheese container or large yogurt tub), and cut away the lip so it is flat. The lid needs to be flexible enough to roll into a funnel shape or a U-shape for use. Hold the funnel end/U-end far enough back so that you position it behind your urethral opening. Aim the pointed end down toward the toilet bowl, and pee. You will have to practice to get the hang of it. You can also experiment with trimming and rolling the device in a manner that works best for you. These devices are easy to carry and conceal in your back pocket, or even in a small pocket in your underwear. Very fine grit sandpaper can be used to smooth out any rough edges.
Medicine spoons are small, inexpensive plastic devices that can be found at most pharmacies. The wider end of the spoon (the "scoop" end) is held against you, between the labia, to create a seal around the urethral opening. This is the end that you pee into. Cut off the tip at the other end (the handle of the spoon) at a 45 degree angle, so that the tip points downwards when the spoon end is up against you. This is the end the pee flows out of. You will have to practice at home to find the correct placement for the spoon so you don't have leakage. Some people trim/sand down any sharp edges they may find on their medicine spoon, or may otherwise modify it to suit their needs. Very fine grit sandpaper can be used to smooth out any rough edges.
The Urinall is a lightweight, handmade product created specifically for the FTM trans community. It is a small, hard funnel about the size of a large medicine spoon, but the edges are rounded and beveled for a comfortable fit. The Urinall comes with a length of latex tubing which can be removed or replaced. Cost is £12 (that's in British pounds), which includes shipping anywhere in the world. Convert prices to U.S. dollars at www.xe.com/ucc.
The TravelMate is a modification of the medicine spoon that was created specifically for standing to pee. It is designed to fit comfortably between the labia to form a leak-free seal. It is made of soft, flexible, medical-grade plastic that springs back to its original shape after being bent. Cost is $9.25.
The PStyle is a long, thin, open-topped urinary device made of stiff plastic with rounded edges for user comfort. It combines the features of the coffee can lid (open top, easy to place) and the medicine spoon (stiff plastic), which may make it easier to use for some people. Because the device is stiff and fairly large, it is not easily slipped into a pocket unless you happen to be wearing baggy pants. However, its long size and stiffness can help clear the fly of pants without drips. Cost is $12, and is available in 6 colors. The PStyle is available at the Tool Shed for $12, www.toolshedtoys.com.
The Fenis is a very flexible silicone stand-to-pee device that is a cross between a tube and a funnel. The Fenis is just less than 7 inches long and can easily be folded for quick and discreet storage. The Fenis is reusable and easy to clean and comfortable to use. The Fenis’ silicone resists microbiological growth. Comes in two flesh tones and a variety of vibrant colors. The Fenis is available at the Tool Shed for $15, www.toolshedtoys.com.
The Mr. Fenis
The Mr. Fenis is a very flexible silicone stand-to-pee device that is a cross between a tube and a funnel, and has the added quality of being molded to look like a penis. The Mr. Fenis is just less than 8 inches long and is a bit wider than the original Fenis, though the opening in the end is small enough to create a narrow stream. The Mister Fenis can easily be folded for quick and discreet storage. Mr. Fenis is reusable and easy to clean and comfortable to use, and the silicone resists microbiological growth. Comes in four flesh tones (peach, olive, tan, and dark brown). The Mr. Fenis is available at the Tool Shed for $25, www.toolshedtoys.com.
The Number One STP
Available through toolshedtoys.com
The Number One is a realistic, high quality, one-piece STP. Made from 100% high-quality silicone, the generous cup and opening at the head help prevent back flow or leakage. It is made from medium-soft silicone and has a narrow profile-- it is designed to be packed flat against the abdomen. Total length is 6", cup length: is 3", cup width is 1.5". Available in 5 realistic skin tones-- peach, olive, caramel, milk chocolate, and dark chocolate. $59
The GoGirl is a flexible funnel device made from medical-grade silicone. The top of the funnel that is placed against the body has a unique splash-guard rim. Because the silicone is flexible and soft, it is easy to fold up and carry discreetly in a pocket or small case. Silicone is also hygienic and easy to clean. Measures 6.5" tall x 4.75" deep x 2.25" wide. Available in pink or "camo" (tan) color. The Go Girl is available at the Tool Shed for $10, www.toolshedtoys.com.
The Whiz Freedom is a thin, flexible, reusable funnel-like device made of a medical-grade TPE (thermoplastic elastomer). An anti-bacterial/anti-fungal agent has been added, and it has been treated with a plasma coating so that it repels liquid. The addition of the plasma coating means that only a few droplets may remain on the surface of the device which are easily shaken off. The Whiz Freedom costs £9.99 (that's in British pounds) and is available in purple or white. You can also purchase medical grade tubing from the site as well to extend the overall length of the device. Prices can be converted to U.S. dollars at www.xe.com/ucc.
The Pee-Zee & Snee-Kee
The Pee-Zee and Snee-Kee are a foldable, lightweight plastic funnel devices that come in several colors. The Snee-Kee is slightly shorter in overall length than the Pee-Zee. Both designs fold flat. $16.00 if shipped in the U.S., $14.50 if shipped in Canada.
Shewee is a molded polypropylene funnel with a liquid repellant coating to help minimize the amount of droplets left on the device after use. Cost is £7.50 (that's in British pounds) and it is available in several colors. You can purchase extension tubing from the site as well for £1.50 to extend the overall length of the device. Prices can be converted to U.S. dollars at www.xe.com/ucc.
The Freshette's design is that of a lightweight plastic funnel with a 6" retractable extension tube. It is held in the palm of the hand and cupped against the body to make a seal. It is a little bit larger than the medicine-spoon type designs, but for some may be easier to use. Cost is $23.95. Also offered at www.rei.com at $22.95 and at www.campmor.com 19.99 (search for "Freshette").
The Lady J is also a plastic funnel design similar to the Freshette, but it does not feature a length of tubing at the opening (though you could probably modify it to add tubing if you are so inclined). The shape of the funnel edges is also a bit different from the other two listed above. Cost is $7.99. Search for "Lady J" on the Campmor site to find the product listing.
Urinelle also uses a funnel design, but it is a disposable paper product. It comes in packages of seven biodegradable funnels at $8.85 per pack. Search for "urinelle" on the Magellan's site to find the product listing.
A disposable product made of heavy paper, the Whizzy is foldable, opening into a V shape when needed. Comes in travel and extended sizes. Package of 10 travel size is $10.00, package of 20 travel size is $17.00, package of 10 extended size is $12.00. Extended size allows you to stand further back from the toilet or urinal.
Magic Cone is a disposable funnel device made of biodegradable waterproof cardboard. Available in packs of 3 for $3.95, or 3 packs of 3 for $11.00.
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Stand-to-Pee (STP) Packers
The products listed below are soft packers that feature a length of flexible tubing through their shafts to allow the user to pee through the packer. These STP-packers are modified "thermal gel"/"softskin" packers (described more fully in the packing section of this web site).
All models sold through www.toolshedtoys.com
STP-FITZ, an FTM-owned business, retrofits soft packers into two styles of STP packer-- one with a medicine spoon receptacle, and one with a softer, wider silicone nipple receptacle. They retrofit two different soft packs into STPs, as described below.
STP-FITZ retrofits the Mr. Softie (i.e. Fleshlight) packer, which is only available in "fleshtone"/vanilla, which is a light skin tone. The Mr. Softie is unfortunately not available in darker skin tones. This STP comes in two shaft lengths: 3.5-inch and 5-inch. 3.5-inch STP packers are $44, 5-inch STP packers are $47.
STP-FITZ also retrofits the GV packer, which comes in three colors (vanilla, caramel, and chocolate), and in two different shaft lengths (4-inch and 5-inch). 4-inch STP packers are $52, 5-inch STP packers are $58. These cost a bit more than the Softie version because the GV packers are more costly.
All styles of STP-FITZ packers can be purchased through the Tool Shed web site, where a number of other products for trans men are also available-- check the "gender expression" link on the left hand page menu for a listing. Note: Purchasing products through the Tool Shed web site directly supports FTMguide.org. The Tool Shed is a trans and partner friendly.
The Pissin' Passin' Packer (PPP)
This item is a retrofitted soft-packer that has been modified with tubing and a medicine spoon to create a stand-to-pee packer. DJ offers 4 sizes (Teeny is 3-1/2 inches, Small is 5 inches, Medium is 6 inches, and Huge is 7 inches). All models are $50.00.
Pee-Cock 3-in-1 Packer
This product, introduced in 2011, is designed to be a stand-to-pee packer and pack-and-play model all in one. Made of soft silicone, the shaft of the Pee-Cock has an opening throughout its length to allow for urination. The opening through the shaft also can accommodate a flexible "erection rod" that is inserted through the back of the packer to allow the Pee-Cock to be used for sexual penetration. The back of the packer is shaped like the opening of a funnel; it is pressed low and tightly against the body over the urethral opening during urination. Due to the shape of the funnel, the Pee-Cock may also work well for men who have had metoidioplasty.
The Pee-Cock comes in three sizes, 4 inches ($129), 5.5 inches ($139), and 6.5 inches ($149). They are in the flaccid state when worn without the erection rod. There are 3 shades of skin tones available: caucasian, moderate brown or dark brown. Pee-Cock Products also offers two harnesses to wear with the Pee-Cock.
Urinall STP Packer
The Urinall is a lightweight, handmade product created specifically for the FTM trans community. It is a small, hard funnel about the size of a large medicine spoon, but the edges are rounded and beveled for a comfortable fit. The Urinall site offers a version of the Urinall and tubing placed in a 3.5" STP packer (made from Mr. Softie by Fleshlight). Cost is £35 (that's in British pounds), which includes shipping anywhere in the world. Convert prices to U.S. dollars at www.xe.com/ucc.
Like Real Prosthetics
The professionally-made prosthetics offered on the Like Real site include both flaccid and erect models that are designed to be attached to the body with medical adhesive. A number of the flaccid models are equipped with an STP urination system that is built into the packer (the erect models do not have a urination system). There are flaccid models featuring the appearance of uncut foreskin, as well as circumcized models, and they offer a choice of 5 skin tone options. The detailing is quite realistic, and you can view videos of most products to see multiple views. Like Real also offers the medical adhesive and adhesive remover needed to wear the packers affixed to the skin. Prices range from around $200 to just over $700, and they do sell sets that include both flaccid and erect prosthesis.
Home Grown Packer Line, STP options
This is an Australian site that offers several models and sizes of soft packers, made of elastomeric gel, that can be converted into STP packers. The packers are made by an FTM community member and are sold at a very affordable price.
The J Jay 4.5", Hugo 5.5", Average Joe 3.5", Johnson 6", and Peter 3.5" models can all be equipped as STP packers. The base price for J Jay, Hugo, and Johnson (without STP) is AU$100; Average Joe and Peter is AU$80. To add the STP feature, add AU$30.
Prices are listed in Australian dollars, and can be converted to U.S. dollars at www.xe.com/ucc.
The MANGO from Mango Products
BUYER BEWARE: Numerous customers have reported that they never received their paid orders from Mango Products, and have not received responses from Customer Service (as of 12/2009).
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